Michigan Should Change Name to Camels; Fans Can’t Bring Own Water into Big House

August 26, 2010

H2No.

There were too many comments from 22-year old females who were going out for the night, but didn’t want to drink anymore, to print.
The University added 24 new water fountains, now totaling 28 fountains, throughout the Big House. There will also be free cups of the life-giving liquid given out at stands as well, but just in case you really need something to mix with your Kool-Aid there will be $4 bottles of the free liquid throughout the building.

“We’re looking at a totally new fan experience, in terms of coming to the stadium,” Madej said, asking fans to withhold their judgment. Oh we aren’t judging you or the stadium that houses the best 4-8 team in the nation, but this is sadly hilarious.

The first 25K to walk through the gates on Sept. 4 to see the Wolverines take on arch-rival UConn get this special commemorative bottle. There are no projections on how many will immediately take the piece of memorabilia directly to Pawn Stars and try and make more than the $8 that it is worth. The rest of the 75,000 that will attend the game have to go thirsty or pull a post-gym class move and hit the fountain – it was unclear if they were the button on the back of the spigit or the bar on the front or the bar on the ground versions.

The move was prompted for security purposes by the Department of Homeland Security and the University. It must be all of those water-related violent events occurring in and around the stadium that have to be stopped cold.

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Posted by Ben Meyers

Fan Law – High School Games

August 26, 2010

NOTE: For those who haven’t been following along, Dr. Venkman (Ben), has taken it upon himself to set forth some rules and regulations when it comes to common practices by fans at games. In this installment he deals with fans cheering at High School sporting events.

For all of the college and professional games that occur everyday, there are even more High School games with even more fans that think they are experts on how to be a fan at them. With the impending and just started football seasons around the land, this must be regulated and ThatFan will do what it needs to.

“It shall be understood that hence forth the act of cheering at a high school sporting event is allowed in the following instances, and only in the following instances. If you have to ask…your alma mater hates you:

1. The game is a state semi-final or championship. All bets are off…this is for glory.

2. You can make a 80s or 90s pop culture reference. The best one of these on record is a fan yelling the first lines to The Lion King (:22 seconds in) during a foul shot. The 2000s are too young and the 70s too old…sorry that is how it is.

3. You are correct about a call being poorly called. This applies in situations such as when a basketball ref calls a hold on a blocking foul or a football referee calling a false start on an illegal formation. There was still a foul/penalty, but you just want the call made right. This stipulation should be left to experts only and used sparingly, but is allowed. (Stripes…you are there to get the calls right, not just make them.)

4. Someone else is trying to take over your home court/field. If the visiting team fans are stupid enough to start something then it is your duty to finish it. This is your house.

In the following instances save your $2 admission and purchase a McDonald’s McDouble and a Burger King Whopper Jr., unless you want to have a ThatFan punishment given to you:

1. You plan on making “you” statements. “I respectfully disagree with that interpretation of the understood rules for this event,” is way more hilarous then “You suck ref.”

2. You plan on attacking personal appearance. I bet you probably have something on you that you wish could change….UGLY.

3. You are over the age of 20. Your time has passed Al Bundy, let junior earn his own stripes, the glory days are over.

4. You don’t know the rules. unfortunately, this stipulation has to be put into place for most moms. If you have been going to soccer since they could walk you should know that when people fall down it isn’t an automatic red card because you are going to have to wash some long socks.

Thus shall be fan law as agreed upon as Fan Law on this August 26, 2010.”

Send an email to Dr. Venkman now!

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Posted by Ben Meyers

Boise State Fans top ThatFan.com’s inaugural Div. I Top-25 College Football Fan Bases Poll

August 24, 2010

With an entire summer of research and comparison behind us, ThatFan.com unveils its inaugural ranking of the Top-25 College Fan Bases. Independent of the traditional rankings, this poll determines who the top fan bases are around the nation and there will be a 8-base playoff at the end of the season. This poll is not a ranking of the overall tradition and strength of the fan base, but a reflection on which fan bases are having the best season.

Fan Bases are ranked upon the following factors: In-game cheering/chanting, color-outs, overall attendance, memorable acts made in relation to support of a team, and fan traditions still used today.

This poll will be released every Tuesday. Interviews with head pollster Ben Meyers may be arraigned through: E-mail or via phone 518-928-7292.

Rank, Team, Record, Comment, Pvs. Rank

  1. Boise State, 0-0, Has the passion of a HS fan base , N/A
  2. Ohio State, 0-0, Buckeye fans are everywhere, N/A
  3. Nebraska, 0-0, Stadium is 3rd largest city in state when full, N/A
  4. TCU, 0-0, Endured bowl loss with strong return, N/A
  5. Virginia Tech, 0-0, Consistency counts, N/A
  6. LSU, 0-0, 209-58-4 at night at home vs. 21-26-3 during day, N/A
  7. USC, 0-0, Sellouts still expected with no bowl, N/A
  8. Georgia, 0-0, Buoyed by the Peanut Butter Kid, N/A
  9. Florida, 0-0, The Chomp is the Imperial March, N/A
  10. Washington, 0-0, Filled the Stadium when 0-12, N/A
  11. Texas A&M, 0-0, “The 12th Man,” N/A
  12. Alabama, 0-0, Maybe a little full of themselves, N/A
  13. Tennessee, 0-0, Everyone knows the fight song, N/A
  14. Florida St., 0-0, The chant has been copied by many, N/A
  15. Texas, 0-0, Go to everything, not just football, N/A
  16. Oklahoma, 0-0, Smart about football, N/A
  17. Wisconsin, 0-0, Oldest Stadium in the Nation, N/A
  18. Michigan, 0-0, Largest Stadium in the Nation, N/A
  19. Mississippi, 0-0, “The Grove,” N/A
  20. Oregon, 0-0, Best cheerleaders in the nation, N/A
  21. West Virginia, 0-0, The best Big East base, N/A
  22. Penn State, 0-0, The best color-out, N/A
  23. Notre Dame, 0-0, Tradition breaks them in, N/A
  24. Cincinnati, 0-0, Riding on the Reds Bandwagon, N/A
  25. North Carolina, 0-0, More of a hoops base, N/A

Others Receiving Votes: Iowa, Pittsburgh, BYU, Stanford, Missouri, Utah, South Carolina, Army, Navy, Air Force

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Posted by Ben Meyers

MLB Teams Making Room for Fans with Allergies

August 21, 2010

Hold the peanuts, but keep the Crackerjacks. Or at least that is what is happening at some major league ball parks so kids with allergies can take in a live game…and stay alive.

A peanut (or “groundnut”) is nothing more than the most famous member of the bean family, but it can cause a lot of damage.

If a person allergic to peanuts even touches one they can suffer from: hives, rash, itchiness, flushing, and swelling of the lips, tongue or throat. Respiratory symptoms may include shortness of breath and wheezing. They could get include crampy abdominal pain, diarrhea, and vomiting. Due to chemicals in the body, heart coronary artery spasms may occur with subsequent myocardial infarction or dysrhythmia – your heart basically works like a car engine running on a sugar-filled gas tank. A drop in blood pressure may result in a feeling of lightheadedness and loss of consciousness. There may be a loss of bladder control and muscle tone, and a feeling of anxiety.

So pick up your shells you slobs.

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